I've wanted to write something for a while now...

First of - let's start with an apology - I've been wanting to write something for a while now, but things got in the way. Different circumstances, both moral and physical, but here we are now so let's make the most out of it.
Perhaps to say I have wanted to write something could be the incorrect term here even. Rather create I guess. Do and be. You know how the story goes. Or do you?
There used to be a boy who was good at stuff. He used to take it for granted, but then he grew up. He learned of the world and made mistakes. He learned what he could and tried to make the most out of it. He didn't think he'd get far, but he's not so sure now. He wants to utilize his potential, but due to lack of mental endurance and stubbornness he doesn't get too far these days. Just what is it that this soul desires? Perhaps we should rather ask - how do you fill a void in the  dark left by years of pain and suffer? Little by little apparently. That's how I roll. I'm not  sure whether to be ashamed of me being slow or not. I'm just there and I look. I take a deep breath and glance over my surroundings once more as the sound of the keyboard overwhelms the sound of my game that has now started. I enter, I kill, almost die, survive, but I perish in the end either way.

That's how life goes.

For one it begins, while another receives the sentence of death. What it all comes down to is this - And in the end it doesn't even matter... hah. Thought I would quote Linkin park here didn't ya? Not quite, but let's get back on track - what it all comes down to is this - did I succeed? In this huge sandbox clusterfuck of a game - did I win? How do you that even? Is the fact that I'm even asking such a question a sign that I am just some casual pleb who doesn't know where the game really begins? How competitive is this? And how far am I willing to go?

At least I got my values straight so let's see what does those say - Truth,  honor, justice, love. Looks like I'm kind of a really nice and caring person. Not much to do with being competitive here. My passions? Video games, books, history. Would be nice if learning was one of those. Why not make it so? And why haven't I done it so far? What is it, that is holding me back? I guess I have already answered my own question here have I not? My passions. Yours. Ours. We spend time on them. not to say it's a bad thing to waste some time, but what are your priorities in that case to make this complain about not spending enough time writing/working/reading/learning? I know mine. My family and myself, which would include - my family - literally, and my closest friends. There are some more of course, but this is the one at the top of the list. So I guess one should figure out how to make your priorities work for yourself. Could you imagine I spent several hours just trying to write this? I didn't expect that this single entry would take so long either, but it's true what they say after all. Practice makes perfect. Guess my time spent here wouldn't be so long if I had written more during this year. Yet again - the question presents itself - but why?

Did things got in the way that bad? Or did I make up excuses and allowed my skill to wither? I wish I had the endurance to keep my promises. Let's clarify though that I'm not referring to those I've made to other people. Somehow I mostly keep those. I'm talking about the ones I made to myself (for examination of proof check my last few entries and their dates). I disappoint myself more then anyone else really. I am my own death and my undoing. I'm the one that breaks my own promises made to myself. This ... is a feeling of guilt creeping by, reminding me what's been done and what still awaits. Life once again seems to prove just how weird and twisted it is. I am my own beast, but could I be the beauty? Mayhaps one day when I see myself as those around me do and who knows, might be I'll become truly strong - and do the right thing ALWAYS regardless of others and their methods. That is what I think of it. This is what I feel. My voice as it echoes through the abyss of never-ending internet. Will it be heard? And more importantly - does it matters if it's heard or not?
In the end though. Your life matters. It's beautiful. Your mistakes - they matter too. Same as these words. Might be some will make none of it. Maybe someone can learn from it. I guess I've learned something here as well you know. Maybe, just maybe I'm slowly coming to terms with who I am. Little by little, it's not about the fall, step by step, we all learn to crawl, at a moments notice - ones life is gone. Make the most out of it. And live through it all. It should be worth it in the end.
And as usual let's wrap things up with a song - who remembers this one by the way?

Have a nice day!

One step at a time. Promise kept. For now.

As promised before hand. Here is my 1st video that I've made out of pure spite, just to make a video. Rambling about nothing, and everything, in a way. Hopefully next time I'll have an actual idea what I could make a video about. Might be another rant. Might be not. Who knows. Good luck to you all! 

Also. Some inspirational music to start the day.

 

So. Are you what you eat? I say yes. And not only literally.

So... once again the hardest part in all of this... where to start?
No idea, so let's recap. I promised that each weak I will publish at least a single article, and a single video. Yesterday might have concluded a week that has passed us by, but it still hasn't technically been a week since I have taken upon myself to do all of this so you will be receiving a video if not today, then by tomorrow most definitely. And considering I've no ideas as to what I could write about I decided to check some older things I had started to work on earlier, but had yet not published.
So. Let's talk quotes this time shall we? Or a single quote at least that is.

 - Man is what he eats. - "Der Mensch ist, was er ißt." - Ludwig Andreas Feuerbach.

Usually I tend to go with the flow when writing this, but as I am pushing myself here I guess we could actually have a plan here so let's go from the origins of this term to what I see and understand with it.
As mentioned above - the author of this quote is Ludwig Andreas Feuerbach, but that is not where it quite got started. Some of you (or none of you readers) might have heard or you maybe even know of a french politician and a lawyer called: Anthelme Brillat-Savarin, who was a gastronome believe it or not (somehow though I'm not surprised considering the stereotypes about France).
In Physiologie du Gout, ou Meditations de Gastronomie Transcendante, 1826 he writes:"Dis-moi ce que tu manges, je te dirai ce que tu es." -Tell me what you eat and I will tell you what you are.
This could be the origin of this quote as skip several decades forwards and we come to 1863. when Mr. Feuerbach states that a man is what he eats. Of course this is not to be taken literally as I highly doubt any man who has eaten a pig has ever turned into one... well at least not literally I believe and neither because he was eating pig in the 1st place (then again you never know). Either way most of us have heard this quote most probably in reference to a diet or nutrition, and this is to be the intended meaning of the quote.
Though everything is relative I believe and so are quotes even though they may have been intended to represent something totally different. For me it is the case (well jeez, I wonder why else I would have picked this quote). Some of you might even ask why? What else could there be about this quote that I might understand it in a different matter then intended, cause let's be honest - it is rather straightforward isn't it? You know what I see here? EAT. That is the word. Eat -> Consume -> Digest -> Absorb. Those are just a few synonyms for the word, but plenty enough to get my point across. Have you never had needed time to "digest" a decision of your other significant half? Maybe you've had a hard time "absorbing" all the information around you, but perhaps all that has ever been needed to knock some sense into you has been the need to "consume" some knowledge and words of men smarter then yourself?
This is the way I look at this quote. It doesn't just tell you to eat healthy fresh food to be healthy yourself. It doesn't just tell you to try and be physically active and healthy. No. Mental healthcare is even more important. The more you allow yourself to absorb your mental diarrhoeas that occur due to your own actions, maybe actions of others, who cares, the more you will allow yourself to dragged down in the gutter.
Bottomline: (at least the way I see it) We might not have saying into what dish has life given ourselves today, but we sure as hell have an option on how to prepare it (don't just quickly boil it if it's nasty, rather do a deepcleansing or throw the stuff out together if it might be contagious)
Well. I know this might not be the best, nor the most entertaining of my blog entries, but for time being my promise is being kept and I intend to keep it that way.
Until later dear viewers! I bid you adieu.

 

And here we go again... a promise made?

Somebody once said - a thought that has not been written, has not been thought out till the end. So here I am. Writing this down in order to do just that. Come to a conclusion and come to a plan. I've heard and said a lot of things. Some wise, some silly, while some that could be placed nowhere and everywhere all at once. So here is a promise. Promise to you dear viewer (thank you by the way for reading this blog still even though of the inconsistency within the posts) and more importantly - Myself. I've said quite a while ago - we are all egoists to a degree. Some more, some less, but all still. Why did you rob the bank? Wanted that cash. Why did you help an old lady cross the street? Cause you wanted to feel good about yourself, or at least something amongst those lines. So here is my egoistical promise that (hopefully) I shall manage to keep.
- Do exercise at least 10 minutes everyday
- Write something and post something here at least once a week
- Make a video once a week.
I've been meaning to do these things for a while really, but why should I?
Exercise - kind of goes without saying I believe, but in case it is not that obvious to you - I am not the person with the best body around these parts and I could at least try to improve while it is not too late, plus it should pay off with some advantages as it comes to being able to do more physical activities endurance and all the other nonsense Topshop tries to sell you in their ads.
Writing - Well... I've been really lazy with this. I used to think pushing yourself didn't quite work, cause one should write from his heart and soul, but know I've come to understand it only works if one is doing self-reflection and if I am to realise some of my dreams I need to be perfect. And you know what makes perfect? Epic rolls and practise of course =D
Videos - Another thing of mine I wanted to pull of in quite while. I actually did start on this ages ago as you might remember 1 or 2 of my videos, but it all came to a standstill on February when... my Mom died. Still miss her, but it's better now. At least I don't feel out of place anymore. Feeling somewhat sane even. Also. Thank all of you who gave me your support during this past year. It meant a lot and I would've fucked up quite a bit without all of you out there helping me get my shit together. And another reason for this is that I've been considering many ideas for the theme of my show, but I guess it's just time for action and I'll figure it out on the go. Possibly. Maybe. Who knows. After all life is like blackjack. You got to know when to hit, when to stand, maybe double down in the middle or split on side, but if I won't place that bet, no chance for me to win this round. It's my turn now.
How will all of this go?
Hopefully well. Stay tuned for feedback on how this affair goes along.
Alas. Time for this post to end. And as always. A nice song for you to enjoy this morning/day/night/ whenever you are reading this.

And I genuinely didn't expect to ever share a 1D song but here it is:

Thanks for reading this nonsense? Self-reflection post? Who cares. Remember. Never say never xD
Wish good luck ladies and gentlemen. Time for me to hit the sack and go to sleep.
 

Things sure change at a quick pace for sure.

Eh... where to begin?
I guess I start to wonder once again. Just where and how, and why exactly am I writing this again...
Well. I guess by now we have established a solid idea of me performing self-reflection have we not?
And... this is what's gonna happen now cause...
I need this. Not you. Not him. Not some random guy across the globe. This is for me. And if you stumble upon this. Well. I feel sorry for you my weary traveler, cause what I have to say might not be the easiest to digest for 2 main reasons.
A. Potatos have went down. Big potatos. Ones I hadn't even ever imagined of facing.
B. All of this... well... I think I have come a bit closer to understand how the "old me" used to feel and think when writing those poems cause well... potatos...
Eh. Well. How to better get of with my point.
War. War never changes. Or so they say. I personally disagree. In my humble opinion as with all in life there are things that change and things that stay the same. Core and point of things stay the same, but the form and shape of it does tend to evolve. Let's continue on with our example of war. Same ol' idiocracy, retardedness and bloodshed brought to by ambitions of mad-men and morons, but the shape of it has evolved throughout the ages. From sticks and stones to nuclear weapons of mass destruction. Things do change. Sometimes it takes a long time for them do so. Sometimes it happens suddenly. Oh all too sudden. With a drop of the beat, ring of the phone. And another person dies. Death. It is with us. And if there is anything that truely doesn't change it is its nature. So cold. So dark. So mysterious. All of will have to pass through the veil and face our mortality. That's how life goes. People die and we remain here. Left with this feeling of empitness and sorrow. Disturbing. Just how normal everything seems though all has changed and nothing will ever be the same. Life is death. And death is life. To every end though we can seek a new beggining. This is hope of life. How ironic. We are sentenced to die. Yet we do all to hang on to this life. Haven't we evolved medicine for this very purpose? Maybe. Maybe just to keep our soldiers from dying... all of life at end connects back to death doesn't it huh? Well... In the words of Darkest Dungeon - This game is all about making the most out of a bad situation. And I guess that fits everywhere. Life. That's what it is about. Making the most out of it. Don't waste it. Go evolve. And do something productive. Cause stagnation is death and there are so many wonderful things one could do at the moment. Help somebody. Do some recording, writing. Don't be a fool who doesn't want to do anything productive. eh... people die and it hurts, but you know... we all gotta deal with this. This is real life. It is painful. But we can do this, cause how otherwise you would explain us getting this far in the first place?
Phew... this was less depressing actually then I thought =D
Either way. Talking about productivity.
Started this thing a few weeks ago, but every month from now I'll be uploading at least one episode of a let's play or doing some streaming. At the moment my channel sucks, but don't worry! All will be made awesome!
As for a treat. Here you go. A lovely song from Epica
And my very 1st let's play video. Enjoy ^^

P.s. Might be switching to a different blogging service soon as wordpress well just quite don't fit with what I've got on my mind atm.
Infrigere regulas. Saupere audi. Carpe diem.
Have a nice day.
Charlie over and out.

Pārdomas dienas tumšākajā laikā. Bet vai tiešām?

Brīdinājums - teksta autors, nav kārtīgi rakstījis, nedz dzejojis jau vairāk kā gadu, tāpēc negaidiet brīnumus. Vai arī tieši otrādi. Your call.

Ak jel. Kur nu tas laiks. Pēdējais ieraksts veikts 2014. gada novembrī. Novembrī... izbrīns nedaudz un varbūt pat... es nezinu... ne gluži bailes, ne gluži neizpratne... apjukums? Arī nē. Nostaļģija? Vai arī vienkārši kaut kas pa vidu tam visam? Pa vidu visam šam milzīgajam karuselim ko par dzīvi mēdz dēvēt. Augšā, lejā, apmet cilpu tik ātri un aši, pat nepamanot, kur tas laiks aizskrien. Un tiešām, laiks ir aizskrējis nemanot. Nedaudz vairāk kā gads, kad šeit nekas nav darīts, bet vai jēga par to īpaši bēdāt? Cilvēki - tostarp arī es (jā es zinu, dažiem tas varētu būt pārsteigums, bet tā tiešām arī ir =D ) - nedrīkst stāvēt uz vietas, tiem jāatīstas. Galvenais, ka vismaz kaut kas tiek darīts. Mācības, vai privātās dzīves bīdīšana. Un lūk šeit arī esmu es. Cenšoties sazin ko izdarīt...

- Ko? 

Varbūt kāds domās man jautās. Un ja pavisam godīgi. Es neteiktu, ka man būtu ļoti liela apjausma par to, ko es te cenšos panākt. Varbūt lieki muldēt un plati muti virināt? Mēģināt izmainīt pasauli? Mācīt citiem savu dzīvi dzīvot? Nē... Tas nav priekš manis. Varbūt vismaz ne uz doto brīdi. Bet ziniet, kas manā galvā sāk izklausīties arvien labāk un labāk? Nu? Mēģinat uzminēt? Gada apskata veikšana! Vai uzminējāt? Varbūt jā, varbūt nē, bet ja vien šo jau lasāt, es pieņemu, ka tam nav īpaši liela starpība tāpēc vien turpināšu lēni drukāt.

Nu tad.

Ar ko īsti ir bijis iepriekšējais gads pildīts?

Jaunas iespējas? Jauni apstākļi? Jauni pienākumi? Viennozīmīgi. Būtu nedaudz tā ka loģiski, ka progresējot dzīvē šīs lietas nāk klāt.

Uj. Atvainojos. Jūs laikam esat viens no tiem cilvēkiem, kas lasa lai zinātu konkrētāk.

Nu ja runājam atklāti, tad aidā!

Man ir stabilas attiecības, nu jau 9 dienas esmu tētis. Tagad darbā tā vietā lai runātu ar mazajiem un sēdētu aiz liela galda - sēžu aiz vēl lielāka galda un runājos ar cilvēkiem no visām iespējamām pasaules malām un protams, kā tad bez galda - tas ir palicis tikai lielāks =D

Protams nedrīkst aizmirst pieminēt, ka jau kādu ilgāku laiciņu (vairāk jau kā gadu) patstāvīgi dzīvoju un uzturos Rīgā. Kas par pārsteigumu? 

Nu tāda man tā dzīve ir. Lēnā garā. Viena diena. Divas. Paiet mēnesis un lēnām viss mainās. Lieki minēt, ka arī mācos tam visam pa vidu. Šoreiz gan tā nav universitāte, vai koledža, vai pat augstskola, vai kursi. Nē. Tā ir mūsu visu mīļotā skarbā dzīves skola, kas neliek aizmirst, ka lai kāda dzīve būtu, tā ir un paliks - skaista maita. Skaista, bet dažkārt tāda maita, ka pat vissulīgākie mana plašā spektra lamu vārdi nespēs to raksturot. 

Kā jau es minēju sākumā. Es nezinu, ko tagad ar šo visu cenšos panākt. Pa dienu nolēmu, ka būs jācenšās būt nedaudz produktīvam. Vai nu kaut ko nedaudz izlasīt. Vai pašam uzrakstīt. Vai turpināt atrast labāko veidu, kā ierakstīt spēļu video lai tas būtu kaut cik pieņemami un pieklājīgi. Nu. Šeit Jūs redzat manu progresu. Nemāku teikt. Tas būtu daudz. Vai maz. Ceru, ka vismaz bija nedaudz interesanti uzmest aci manām pārdomām diennakts tumšajā laikā. Kaut gan. Vai šo visu var īsti nosaukt par pārdomām? Varbūt šī drīzāk ir pašrefleksija? Varbūt. Varbūt nē. Bet centīsimies būt produktīvi un veikt kārtējo atdzejojumu. Kuram šoreiz kritīs tā laimīgā loze? Tūlīt redzēsim.

* * * aptuveni 20 minūtes vēlāk * * *

 Tātad!

Dāmas un Kungi!

Atdzejojums nr. 10 - Tik dzīve vien.
Pārmaiņas pēc gan iesākumam.
Kāpēc šis dzejolis? Es tiešām nezinu. Kaut kā iekrita pa rokai un man to gribējās pārtulkot un uzlabot. Un ja godīgi? Vai vienmēr ir visam vajadzīgs kāds iemesls? Esmu gan centies saglabāt sākotnējo dzejoļa jēgu, bet lasot pārņem sajūta, ka to rakstījis ir pavisam cits cilvēks (kas savā ziņā taisnība vien ir), tāpēc jēga būs attālināta tā laika "kārlītim" un pietuvināta šī brīža Kārlim.
Bet nu turpinot par tēmu *ekhem* atdzejojums nr. 10 - Tik dzīve vien. Izbaudiet.

Tik dzīve vien.

Cik traka šī dzīve,

Sāpju karuselis vien,

No sākuma līdz galam,

Tā juku jukām skrien.

Gluži vai kā lāsts,

Tā turpina arvien,

Dzīvi kājām gaisā griezt,

Bet vai jau nepietiek?

Gauzties un lauzties,

Ar vienu - tevi,

Otru - mani,

Mēs dzīvosim arvien.

Iesim ceļu,

Tavu, manu,

Katram savs,

Bet vai man drīkst būt tavs?

Jo - kur nu kuram labs,

Citam gaužām traks,
Visus tomēr mūs nu vieno,
Ērkšķiem pildīts ceļš.
 

Tik sāpes,

Ciešanas vien,

Bet vai arī,

No tā kas neizriet?

Vai tiešām?

Dzīve tik vien ir kā sāpes vien?

Vai nevaram mēs mācīties?

Katru mīļu dien?

Nu ko lai saka nobeigumā. Angļu valodas versija nesekos. Vismaz ne tuvākajās pāris diennaktīs, ja vien netiks baigā garastāvokļa maiņa un mūzas ierašanās. Un arī laikam esmu sapratis, kāpēc es visu to rakstu. Pašrefleksija tomēr tā ir. Ko lai dara. Arī mani arvien turpina pārsteigt cik drūms es biju agrāk. Pašam drūmi paliek. Ar katru atdzejoto dzejoli, atdzejojums pārtot arvien savādāks un tiek tālāk no paša oriģināla. Un dažkārt sķiet, ka vairs neko tamlīdzīgu neveikšu. T.b. runājot par atdzejojumiem. Katrā gadījumā. Ceru, ka vismaz dažiem no Jums šis te viss sarakstītais patika un/vai lika padomāt.

Visu to labāko vēlot. 

Kārlis Balts

01.02.2016.

P.s.
Ja kādu interesē oriģināls.
Lūdzu. Lasiet un ciešat.

A kind of a review on a book called - A streetcat named Bob By James Bowen

So let us begin shall we not?
What is this and why is this?
This. Well. As much of a fail it is, it's a review of a book.
What book? And why it's so important that it deserves a review by mua?
A streetcat called Bob. It's importance... well... that is something that gave me trouble.
Now don't get me wrong. It's not like this book would not be super-special awesome, but it's just that... well... I didn't quite know how to present it in a way that would present all of its awesomness and might, and the emotional strenght it holds, and honestly as I'm writing this I still don't know how to do it properly, but I made a promise to do it, so here I am.
It's rare for me to come across books that make me shed a tear or two. But this... this was special... I saw myself in this book. And I saw "Bob". Well. In a way. One thing was seeing the things that James saw and experienced in real life via my    imagination, but it was myself that I saw. Myself who had suffered from a serious drug addiction... I don't know... I honestly don't know what to say. I want to say a lot, but this book has left me speechless. It is true. It's about life. It's about everyone and all of us who has lost our meaning, who know how it feels to be at our worst and then to rediscover that YES! WE ARE HUMAN! WE ARE WORTH A LOT MORE THAN WHAT EVERYONE ELSE SAYS! We are. And that's saying a lot. We are human. We feel. We are happy. We are hurt. We live. And we struggle through this eternal battle called life. Because that's what the book reminded me of. This life. And how easy it is to slip into the daily illusions we give ourselves after our greatest battles have been won. We need to remind ourselves and everyone else how it is. How life really is. How it should be. Not easy. No. Then what would our lives be worth if all would come just at the snap of our fingers? ... Nothing I guess, then again I don't know. Maybe someone who has had it so easy could explain it to me...
This book.
This life.
James.
And Bob.
They reminded me.
Of who I was.
And how I met my "Bob".
I still don't know what to say.
Besides. All who hasn't. Read this book! It's a must have!
It's a true story by a man, who had lied to himself same as all of us had at one point, only to be reborn as a better, but still! It was his own choice. Because he could've always given the cat away to someone else or an animal shelter. But he didn't. He chose his life. He chose for his and Bobs sake to become a better man. To drop drugs for good. And to make himself an awesome man of destruction and doom and all else which is made of win. If you do read this James Bowen. I just want you to know of my thoughts. We all live our lives as we have chosen. And you chose the path which leads to becoming a better person. My girlfriend that I met a bit more then 3 months ago is my "Bob". And I hope I will be able to become as awesome as you have. YOu are a man of honor. And if by chance I ever visit London, or if by chance you ever decide to visit Latvia James, then we should definately get in touch and have a beer or two together, cause I'd love to hear how the story continues.
Well... ending remarks eh...
Not much of a review as just my impressions... But I can't jugde this in an objective manner cause this moved so much that just... well... I was like "awwwwwwwwwww" in almost every 2nd page and every chapter had its moments where I shed a tear or two. If I want to say something objective about it... well... A book for those who have loved, have lost, have dreamed, and have forgotten. We all have dreams, goals, aspirations, but it's up to us to become who we are meant to be.
Also in the end I want to add 3 songs.
1st one - Celldweller - Lost in time.

Kind of my theme song which I think James would like to say that it describes a time far gone.
2nd. Celldweller remix - Live the life.

In a way the tune of the book, cause that's what it's about. We have to take stuff in our own hands and life our own lives.
3rd. Cloud cult - noone said it would be easy.

Cause life. It harsh. But it's beautiful. And I doubt that it ever is easy.
Oh. And of course because both James and Bob is so awesome -